


How To Get Suspended

by totalizzyness



Series: 00Q Prompts [38]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M puts up with a lot from his subordinates, M/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 10:36:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totalizzyness/pseuds/totalizzyness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Bond and Q flirting incessantly over the com set and making the rest of MI-6 uncomfortable</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Get Suspended

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [How To Get Suspended](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1320799) by [AprilforSpring](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AprilforSpring/pseuds/AprilforSpring)



Eve shifted uncomfortably in her seat, staring at the hem of her skirt as she remembered the time she was nineteen at uni; the day had some straight out of a cheesy teen flick. She and her boyfriend at the time had been getting frisky on the sofa of her flat. Tops had been removed, trousers undone, hands wandered, and Eve was prepared to give her first blowjob. Everything had been going fine, she’d been hesitant and unpracticed, but her boyfriend sounded like he was enjoying himself; so obviously at that moment, her parents and flat-mate burst in, unannounced, and all at once, Eve bit her boyfriend in shock and fell off the sofa, exposing herself and her half-naked boyfriend to her old-fashioned, religious parents and giggling best friend.

But there was something about Q and Bond flirting over the comms that made Eve wonder if that day really  _had_  been the most mortifying moment of her life. She glanced over to M who was a little more red in the face than usual; she wasn’t sure if it was because he was as embarrassed as she was or if he was just furious. Tanner looked frustratingly calm, although as Bond’s regular handler, he was probably used to the sugar-coated filth being bantered back and forth between Bond and Q.

“Q, these handcuffs are fantastic!”

“Of course they are, I made them.”

“I might just bring them home… unofficially of course.”

“James, if you’d like me to make you a pair, you need only ask.”

“Definitely, one can never have too many toys.”

“I agree… although it does hurt my feelings to know I’m not enough for you to play with.”

“Oh Q, you know it’s only fun if you’ve got someone to play with them with; handcuffs aren’t really for one person.”

Eve could feel her face burning,her fingers twisting together on her lap; M was close to snapping his pen.

“Bugger me, it’s hot here.”

“Well, James, you’re the one who chose to wear Zegna in Izmir in August… If you’re going to lose a few layers of clothing, go stand by the fancy blue door, the CCTV aimed that way has a zoom function.”

“It’d be a better sight if you were actually here.”

“Even you being hot, sweaty, and topless couldn’t get me on a plane.”

“Shame, I’d like to see how you’d compensate for the heat.”

“Probably by wearing as little clothing as possible.”

“Q, I’m working!”

“Oh, now he remembers he’s working,” M huffed, quiet enough only Eve could hear. She offered him an impassive smile in return, shrugging her shoulders.

“I wish you would get over your fear of flying, the nights on missions are so lonely.”

“You have your hand to keep you company.”

“My hand is no match for you and your mouth.”

“All the toys I make for you and my mouth is still your preference.”

“Well, my second preference…”

“Oh really? Need I ask what your favourite is?”

“You dare, Quartermaster, and you and Bond will be suspended and sent to opposite ends of the planet for a month!”

The lab went silent for what felt like much longer than the few seconds it was before Bond spoke.

“Fifteen minutes; Bill, you can hand my winnings to Q. Cash please, no cheques.”

Eve swore she could see the vein in M’s forehead throb.

“You wagered how long it’d take me to interrupt your phone sex?!”

“Q bet you’d cut it off straight away, I bet it’d take you about ten-twenty minutes, Tanner bet you wouldn’t at all.”

“You weren’t supposed to actually have phone sex!” Tanner said.

“We didn’t, now pay up, five hundred.”

“The three of you, consider yourselves suspended the moment Bond’s back on British soil!” M barked, storming out of the lab. Tanner slumped, rubbing his forehead; Q chuckled, propping his feet up on the desk.

“Welp.”

“Tell me you filmed it,” Bond laughed.

“Of course I did.”

“Good, I’ll need some entertainment to see me through the suspension.”

“Definitely not worth it,” Tanner huffed. “Five hundred down  _and_  suspended.”

“Too bad… But in all seriousness, Q, these handcuffs are a work of art.”

“Just you wait until you get home,” Q grinned.

“Oh my God, guys! Please!”

Q and Tanner spun round, Tanner looking reasonably sheepish.

“Moneypenny, we’d forgotten you were still here,” Q said.

“Clearly! Is it always like this?”

“Always,” Tanner replied, rolling his eyes. “If you want to know about their sexual affairs, you just need to sit in on their slower missions.”

“Right. I’m never joining any of you on mission control ever again.”


End file.
